My kids wanted to go
play outside. Fantastic! Every parent wants that, right? It's a beautiful day
outside. Not too hot, not too cold. The sun is shining and they can burn off
some energy on the trampoline before nap time.
Mr 3 wanted to play
with his water gun. No harm done there, really. True, it wasn't always a good
idea. He'd learnt the hard way with a previous water gun to never spray the
house…or his sister…or the dog. That water gun ended up in the bin. He was only
allowed to squirt water at the garden or the grass; a little watering would be
good for the plants. So I let him take his water gun out again today, to play
with in the yard. They had their gum boots on. All was good.
They were playing
well for quite some time. I checked on them every little while and yes, all was
good. Until I suddenly heard Miss 1 crying.
I walked out onto
the back balcony and couldn't see them, not at first, then I noticed the white
shirt UNDER the trampoline.
"What are you
doing under the trampoline?"
"Just playing,
Mum," Mr 3 calls back.
"But why is
Miss 1 crying?" I said, as I went further into the back yard to see for
myself what mischief was ensuing.
"Um, because
she's dirty."
I'd reached the
trampoline now so no further explanation was needed. I saw the water gun on the
ground next to Mr 3. I saw him MIXING up the ground with a stick. I saw their
gumboots, not on their feet but on the ground. And as Miss 1 turned her head
towards me with tears streaming down her face, I saw the "dirty". Her
face was covered in mud and so were her feet (and I then noticed that Mr 3's
feet were actually hiding DOWN IN the mud hole). Her clothes were covered in
splotches of mud, especially her backside were she'd been sitting in the mud.
But as the giant patch of mud covering one eye looked at me with tears mixing
into the dirt on her cheeks I was filled with a mixture of emotions.
One, "oh, crap
this is going to be a pain in the bum to clean up": and, two, "look
at my beautiful, ridiculous children, doing what I believe kids should be
really doing - playing outside, exploring their world in every way, getting a
little bit dirty and loving real life (not artificial, computerised, televised
life)."
So I cleaned them
up. Chucked them both in the shower (Miss 1 still with her clothes on because
she hates showers and was kicking and screaming), pulled a muscle in my back
quite badly in the wrestling that was needed to scrub Miss 1 down and keep her
from climbing out of the shower, and got myself quite drenched in the process.
New, dry, clean clothes all round. Except for Mr 0 who was sleeping quite
peacefully through all of this.
Take a deep breath;
everyone is now in bed for nap time, including me.
Later in the
afternoon Mr 3 says, "Mummy, I want to play outside".
"No, you got
covered in mud this morning when you went out there this morning."
"But I promise
I won't play with the water. Please Mummy!"
Well, that's new. I
didn't think my 3 year old knew what a promise was. Maybe he learnt it at
preschool.
"Alright then,
gumboots on and stay away from the mud."
I'm sure you know
how this play outside ended. Promise broken, two kids muddy again (although not
as badly as before), another shower and more clean clothes on.
There wasn't a
mixture of feelings this time. I was mad. Cross, angry, miffed. Whatever you
want to call it. And I was disappointed.
Surely, you
shouldn't feel disappointed that a three year old didn't keep a promise. But I
want them to learn that a yes, should always be a yes, and a no, should always
be a no - period. My child specifically told me that he wouldn't do something,
and he ignored me.
Do you try to make
them understand the importance of telling the truth? Probably a losing battle
seeing as they are three and, not quite, two years old.
Do you let it go
with nothing because you think they won't understand the lesson? Just let it
roll off your back? Throw the next load of muddy clothes into the machine and
wash the day away.
But when I called my
husband I said "I'm obviously too trusting…" and I said it as though
it was a bad thing.
But it's actually a
very good thing, because it's a very God-like thing.
In the back of my
mind I had predicted this outcome. And it's not the first time I have chosen to
let my kids try to do something, whilst knowing deep down that it would
probably fail.
Why do I keep
setting myself up for failure?
Because I want to be
forever giving my children opportunities to succeed.
Because I want to
set them up to do well.
I offer them my
trust time and time again, because I will forever believe the best in them.
I believe that they
can be good, can be better, can be excellent. Perhaps you're all thinking,
"don't worry about it, we've all been there. It's just what kids are like
at that age." And don't get me wrong. It is always comforting to know in
this hard gig called parenting, that you are not alone and others are walking a
similar journey.
But what if I let
past experience rob me and my children of experiencing greatness that goes
beyond statistical expectations of a child's behaviour? My children would be
robbed of opportunities to succeed, they would be robbed of confidence, and
they would be robbed of feeling like their mother thinks the world of them.
How does this relate
to God?
Well, how often has
God trusted us with things, only to see us walk away from it, or misuse it?
How often has He
given us extra chances, ignoring past failures, and believed that we could do
what He has asked us to do?
He does not need to
predict what we will do, He knows it! He knows exactly, every word, thought and
action before they are even performed. And still, he offers us an opportunity
to succeed. Over and over again.
He trusts us with
the little things in the hopes that we will steward them well enough for Him to
trust us with the bigger things. He believes the best in us. He thinks the
world of us, ALWAYS and FOREVER.
Why? I mean, how
could he know every bad word, bad thought, bad action, before I've made them,
and still offer me an opportunity to succeed?
Because He sees me
through a very pure film. A filtered lens, called Jesus. He is the Instagram of
our pictures being uploaded for God to view. Those Gingham and Crema filters
that smooth out the rough and ugly, and make everything look more beautiful and
picturesque than it was when you took the shot. It's a parental bias that our
Daddy-God has for those children who have come into His family through their
acceptance of Jesus.
I think most parents
have an understanding of constant forgiveness for your children, and
unconditional love. But extending renewable trust on a daily basis can be hard.
We can forgive people for what they have done, but so often we will never trust
them again for fear that they will hurt us again. And for some that is a very
serious reality. There are some things that should not be allowed to be put
back in your life if they will happen again and again. But for establishing
good characteristics and values in our children, these chances are invaluable
and should be as innumerable as possible.
So for my children,
I will not spend today holding them to what they did yesterday. And tomorrow I
will let go of what they did today. They will be the wonderful people I believe
God is shaping them to be. They will succeed. And I will set them up to do well
all the days of their lives. Because I DO think the world of them, ALWAYS and
FOREVER.
